Something is different…

One of my co-workers this morning looked at my face and said to me, “Be encouraged, man.” …

I don’t know what it is this morning, but I just don’t have it in me, whatever it is. I think it is a combination of things. My mom relapsed again last week and I have been unable to talk with her. She called me this morning stating she wants to go into rehab, possibly in Austin and I didn’t have a response for her. This is year 22 of her addiction. I am 28. I haven’t given up on her. I am in the business of seeing God transform a life. But I just don’t have it in me to deal with this situation with everything else going on.

Writers, theologians and pastors always speak of what faith is, and state that faith is one step beyond hope. Hope is believing something will happen without the promise/guarantee that it will. Faith is believing something will happen with the promise/guarantee that it will. (Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.)

I feel like this morning I have, but little hope. I don’t feel like I am hoping for the best on this day. I just have faith that God is God and He will do what He has promised. In the end, He will work everything out for His glory, my maturity and His purposes in the world to be fulfilled.

Come Lord Jesus.

Come.

Your Little Brother,

– Sean

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3 Comments

  1. Sean,

    I’m sorry to hear this, brother. I noticed that something was amiss when we met on Monday. I mentioned it a couple of times to my wife, especially after reading your previous post. I’m praying for you.

  2. Sean, your post touches me. I understand this pain. Yes, sometimes it is really hard, it is easier to say “be encouraged” but when you know you are twistign inside, how can you move on. I pray for you!

  3. Just like those that have read, prayed and commented before me, I’m so sorry. I believe days like these are alotted to those that are bearing their own as well as sometimes other peoples crosses. The fact that you were even able to say that you had nothing, no response, no reaction and yet in the middle of that place still trust God and stand, lean or lay on His word speaks volumes on your faith in who God is. I can only imagine the weight and the numbing that can tag along with seeing victories and defeats in this same area.

    I pray God’s strength and encouragement would sweep you up and fill your heart with his abounding love, faith and a renewing of your hope. I also pray for the Lord to pour over your mom his grace, love and healing. That He would wash away the pull of addiction, fill her veins with His blood, her lungs with His breath and fill the voids in her heart with ALL that he is. God, reconcile and restore this family and let their lives and testimonies be a weapon for your Kingdom. Amen.

    “They cried to you and were saved; in you they trusted and were not disappointed.” Psalm 22:5

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