Well, it’s that time again. Summer is here and women no longer wear clothing in Texas. Love is in the air and we have started a new series at my church this past Sunday on singles, dating and relationships. It was absolutely amazing. Pastor talked about the current generation’s definition of dating, the pleasures of it and the consequences that have left so many broken. It really has me thinking…and please leave comments as I really am curious as to what people think. I’d like to present to main views with strengths and challenges.
There appears to be two views right now among:
View A – Abstain from sex until you are married.
This group of people have made a conscious, disciplined—sometimes painful—choice to choose to not have sex (again in some cases) until they are married. It appears in many ways that this is the life that God calls us to as singles. There are all the passages that deal with fleeing from illegal booty (sexual immorality in the NIV). Self-control is listed as one of the fruits of the spirit, or evidence that God is at work in your life.
Strengths: Honor God with your body. Honor your future spouse with your body now. Model for Christians and pre-Christians what honoring your body for God looks like.
Challenges: However—and this just my opinion and observation of myself and friends over the years—there seems to be a bit of sexual frustration with this view. People with View A, without a continuous godly and faith-filled hope and perspective, tend to become bitter with every passing day, month and year they remain single, especially if the people around them are “getting some” and don’t feel the least bit guilty or convicted. Abstinence is the high road, but if you catch them on a weak day, the fall is tremendous.
Plus, over a period of time, without a true love, dependence and faith in God, View A leads people to be very judgmental (and sometimes secretly jealous) of the people with View B.
View B – Have sex now.
This group tends to be more on the side of get all the sex you want and/or if it happens, it happens. “I’m not tripping. God knows my heart. Nobody is perfect.” While the Scriptures speak clearly about the fact that sex outside of marriage is a sin, the culture in music, movies and just about everything else is saturated with sex. (View B is not for people that are struggling but scheduling sex. Not having a bad day, but planning a bad day. In other words, this is not the people who are trying to not have sex, but the people who are having married sex as singles with no intention of stopping.)
Strengths: Not sexually frustrated—as you are having sex. Essentially, you get what you want and lean into the grace of God.
Challenges: It is not the life that God calls us as Christians to. It gives ammunition to the world that Christians say one thing and then do something else. Christians with View B live beneath the level of their faith and have an open door to disobey God whenever you choose.
All that being said, my question is, what do we do as Christians? I know so many people with both views listed above. So many people that do honor God and live for Him and struggle occasionally and get back up. It just seems as though we are moving towards the perspective that sex outside of marriage is ok.
If you abstain from it, good for you! If you don’t, that’s ok because so few people actually are. God knows your heart. We are under grace.
I just wonder if anyone else out there really is trying to not touch anyone else until they get married.
Most people know I openly share out my past and me losing my virginity before I became a Christian and the commit I made to not have sex again until I got married. I haven’t been perfect at all but I haven’t had sex since 2004. As 30 approaches, I will be honest, it is getting harder to stay strong. Don’t get me wrong. I am much stronger today than ever. God has truly kept me all this time and not me myself. But there are times when I feel like Cain in Genesis 4 “Sin is crouching at your door. It desires to have you but you must master it.” What has kept me truly going is looking at the multiple divorces of both my parents and pockets of my family; the women I have dated that are shocked to this day that we didn’t sleep together; and honestly because as much as I believe in grace, I am simply afraid of God—in a holy way. I really do believe that obedience is better than sacrifice. I am going the distance. The next woman I sleep with will be my wife. That’s the commitment I want to make keep to her, God and my future children.
How about you?