I Should Be Crazy

I should be crazy.

I don’t understand why I am not. I just finished having a conversation with my sister Candice. She and I have the same father but different moms. As a result much brokenness in the world and our dad, we were raise separately.

She has two beautiful children and a good marriage to a good man. She’s the picture of overcoming father pains–I am on my way (check-in when I reach parent status).

She and I are both grown, living great–but separate–lives and are very much trying to figure out how to include and keep each other in our lives. It’s a determination to be more than dad.

Candice found dad and took pictures with him and her two sons/my two nephews, Sean and Seth. I was in shock and gave her a call. We had a great conversation about dad and our mutual father issues, but it left me wondering why I am not crazy.

I focus much on my mom, her addiction and the problems there in. We’ve been homeless twice, robbed, held at gun point, I’ve been in more drug houses than I can remember looking for her, everything has been pawned, the list goes on. My peers were playing Sega Genesis and I was learning the 12 Steps to Recovery.

But I forget my dad wasn’t around when I was growing up. When he was present, like Adam, he was silent.

I, by no means, am perfect. I do not profess to be. But I should be crazy. I mean really crazy. Like 20 tattoos, 12 kids, criminal record, no education–again–the list goes on.

The Lord really has protecting power. I don’t know why I am like this, why God has rescued me, why He’s put in me a desire to break those generational curses.

I am simply in shock by His providential protection.