Before I drop a spiritual timeless truth the Lord has dropped in my soul, here’s an update on how I am doing…
What a difference time makes. To those who have been praying and checking in, I thank you. The depression has lifted completely. (Yes, “the” depression and not “my” depression as it is not mine nor will I ever claim it as mine.) I really cannot explain what happened, but really the process for events:
– An intervention by my godparents. They saw me spiraling out of control and waited for an appointed time to step in. They did. It was painful to admit I had been lying to them, myself about the severity of the situation, but something broke in me and off of me that night.
– I moved. I realized I had become saturated in consumerism. Instant gratification. I moved to a smaller (border-line crammed) apartment with cheaper rent. I went for a walk one night and saw a billboard that said, “A better quality of life has a new address.” I still don’t know what it was for, but I knew the Lord was speaking to me.
– I got my gym membership back. I am strapped financially. I know that. It’s a rough spot for me at this season in my life. However, I am convinced I and really everyone needs to have some type of outlet. A refuge, a place to regroup, rethink, recharge. Working out for me is that place.
– TGF turned 10 years old. The ministry I came to faith in and led turned 10 years old. I old classmates and friends I hadn’t seen in years. It was a refreshing reminder of how far I have come, of what the Lord has done in my life and that I was never in control of any of it.
– Spiritual Disciplines. I started spending more time meditating on the Scriptures and reading books again to challenge my thinking and put in new information, because I was in a new season, in a new place and needed a new mentor that had been speaking to an old God about an old challenge…called life.
I woke up one day…and realized, the depression was gone. To the glory of God and God alone!
Again, to those who read this, or prayed a prayer, or called/text, I thank you.
I finished reading The Pastor by Eugene Peterson and I am convinced hands down it was the best book I read this year, and it is in my top 10 list for best books of all time. His chilling words that address today’s pastor on the elimination of hurry and the need of deep spiritual development in any pastor in order to pastor well is a timeless truth that I will carry with me all the days of my life.
It led me to reread….
“Superficiality is the curse of our age. The doctrine of instant satisfaction is a primary spiritual problem. The desperate need today is not for a greater number of intelligent people, or gifted people, but for deep people.” – Richard J. Foster in Celebration of Discipline
I think I realized what this year has been about. Like always, I was in a hurry to get ahead of God. Financially, vocationally, professionally. I forgot to enjoy the journey, not rush and enjoy the moment. The Lord led me to the desert in order to get me to slow down…so He could then lead me beside quiet waters and restore my soul.
As always, I thank You for getting my undivided attention.
Where do we go from here?
This month, I am:
– Reading the book of Philippians (Meditating on 1 chapter a week)
– Practicing the Discipline of slowing down
Join me! Let’s follow Jesus together and resist the urges of the culture that surrounds us that most assuredly lead us down a path of destruction.
Enjoy Jesus.
I love you.
– Sean
Sean M. Watkins 
Blessings and peace to you my dear brother in Christ,
As I read this I was moved by your honesty and transparency. I am now in a place of isolation with God even though I am surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses. But while in this place, God has ministered to me about the benefit of enjoying Him more than the blessings He allows in the world. I will join you brother, and walk with you as we become what God already knows we will be. Thank you sir for your submission to the will of God!
God bless
Marcus
Thanks for the comments and the encouragement brother.
If you don’t mind my asking, why are you/do you feel isolated?
Any way I can be praying for you?
Sean
When I say isolation, not because of the absence of people per se but a period where I must totally depend on God. God told me that I was to come to seminary at Wesley Theological Seminary. I am here now, without my wife nor my son. In addition, I do not know anyone here, nor do I really know all that this place has for me. I was a struggle to get here because everyone told me this was a bad idea (totally removing the notion that I said God to me to come) because I didnt have any money and God doesnt operate like that. Since being so far away from my family, with only the salary of my wife, I was totally left to depend on God for everything. Got here on a airline ticket that was given to me and since arriving, God has done nothing less than provide every need for my wife and I, even financially. Our testimony is way too long to write here, but continue to pray for my wife and I as we are strengthened by the distance, our personal devotion to God, and our family. And that I am in continued obedience to God’s will for our lives.
Wesley is in DC. Just to let you know how far away I am from my family. We are planning for them to join me in the summer
Oh wow. I will definitely keep you all in my prayers. Be strong my friend. God sees your sacrifice. He will honor it.